Where the Puns at Dough?

Good morning world and all who inhabit it. A lot of people have been asking me why I got into the bread pun game. Most believe its because of the lifestyle or the money or the beautiful women that being the premiere bread pun creator in all of Southwest Tennessee will bring you. But they're wrong. I got into this for the love of the game. I could make more money if I was a big corporate sell out and promoted different bread companies. But I'm staying true to myself. Much like Wonderbread has stayed true to their self for years now, being in your household and households around the country for almost 150 years. There is no better bread for you than Wonderbread. But like I said, I'll never be a corporate sellout or promote anyone. Now prepare to blow out your collective sphincters, it's pun time:

Not going to lie, I'm not the biggest Demi Lovato fan so that hurts the score, but this is a fine pun. Not to mention the photoshop is on point and you can still see her face
BPR: 4.3/5

Crumbatize Me Captain.

What's the best way to ruin a good franchise? Make a rushed sequel that your heart wasn't fully into! And that's what we have here today. But unlike previous sequels, this will make the first one look like absolute and total garbo. People have asked how I'm going to achieve this and top the eternal Han Soloaf. Well allow me to let you in on a little secret. The key to bread puns is to NOT think about them barely at all. Either you've got the gift or you don't. I literally cannot stress how little I thought about this. But enough on my gifts. Without further a-dough, I give you the latest in bread pun masterpieces:

From a punniness standpoint, this is outstanding. However, a majority of my audience is white and most of these stupid, mayonnaise-eating, Martha Stewart-loving crackers don't even know who Ghostface Killah is so that hurts the overall score. Still the photoshop is on point so it makes up for that for the most part. 

BPR: 4.85/5

Stay tuned for my next post in a few days, because like the director of Human Centipede 3: Final Sequence can tell you, the third time is always the best!

Lets Get Ready to Crumble.

Do you know what the most frequently consumed food in the entire world is? Cheeseburgers? Pizza? Baklava? Have the Chinese eaten enough dogs that canine meat is number 1? Well think again  because the correct answer is bread! But while people eat more bread than any other food on the planet, the fun doesn't stop when you jam it down your gullet. Oh contrare, mon frere, there are many uses for bread that you never even knew about, but I'm here to talk about one in particular: bread puns. Without further ado, I bring you the first of many bread puns and my in depth analysis:

Any quality blog always starts with Harrison Ford, so why wouldn't this one? Without a doubt one of the most iconic characters in film history, the pun is solid but could be better, although it makes up points for having a stick of butter on his gun.

BPR (Bread pun rating): 3.8/5 loaves